Posted in Uncategorized

Death….. 6 months on. Just remind me I’m still here. X

So… How do I feel? Right now …. Like a fucking arsehole.
Why ? Well part of me still sits here worried about how I come across … How my anxiety rises … how I barely cope among a room of people I know .. let alone people I don’t. How I come across like someone .. frankly I wouldn’t want to know.

People ask me about .. hey how are you?  .. what have you been up to ? Hows the job? …. yada yada yada.
That sounds mean but its genuinely what I feel and hear when I speak to people nowadays.

I feel … trapped inside my body looking out at people looking at me .. and me being weird and mute and unable to converse in a general normal way.

I’m not looking to talk about my dad .. actually Id rather not…. but  I don’t want to talk to anyone about anything at anytime. I have nothing to say… I feel very awkward… I’m very aware of how awkward I am and how that must appear to other people. That in it self makes it even harder, to be “normal”.

I know its no ones fault … I know its very easy for people to say, “but you need to just get over things , he wouldnt want you to be like this, you need to get back out there … you need to get back to your routine!”

You know what… I’d have been the first one to offer that exact advice .. always … “you need to pick yourself up .. brush yourself off and move on. Let things make you stronger and build who you are, make the most of a shit time… learn from it!”

Truth is… Sometimes you cant , sometimes … you dont know how to … sometimes you wish you could be that person you always knew, and give yourself that advice!
But actually .. you physically don’t know how to .. you mentally cant cope … how ever much you prepare yourself … (Sometimes when you mentally prepare yourself its worse! Because you panic yourself!)

The idea of simply speaking to someone … becomes alien.

I’m upset because the person I love more than anything ….  cant understand that. I don’t expect him to … but I wish he could see how I feel. I wish it was easier to explain to him, because I know its hard for him too. He tries so hard to be there at every turn.. He never sets a foot wrong… and I see him hurting because he cant fix me.
Its just not so simple to explain to someone … I don’t know why I cant do this right now. Its heartbreaking to watch them fight a losing battle… because you don’t know what you’re battling with yourself.

I’m starting to think … many people think I’m kidding on .. and I think I’m shouting this war cry of “no one gets me …. no one understands me… boo hoooooo”

But its something I genuinely believe …. I feel incredibly lonely … Like I have no one to talk to, I Have no one to turn to just to simply listen… just to let me … cry. Just let me hurt… Don’t tell me it will get better… don’t tell me I need to get back to things.. I need to overcome this .. get back to “normal”

Because …. I dont know what my normal is now?

I was so sure I knew myself… I was certain I was sure of myself .. strong.. confident … a fighter and a survivor …
Ive no clue who I am.

I dont know what Im supposed to be doing? Im not sure if what im doing is right? Im going through the motions of “life” and …. feeling nothing.

I’d like to say here I don’t think I am sad about my dad dying …

Of course I am … if I think about him not being here .. I think about the week he was in intensive care … the day before he died .. the last time I seen him not hooked up to a ventilator… Of course I well up with tears… Of course it makes me sad….

But this person .. these issues … this anxiety .. Is not because I’m sitting thinking about my dad… My life before he died … was pretty much the same! …. I didn’t see him every single day… I’ve managed to get back to work (A positive step in my mind because I find my days off much more of a struggle). My life may as well be the same… I could kid on he was still here … until I think “ill phone and ask my dad”…. Then….. Everything seems kiddy on…. a farce .. like I’ve been playing out this life as fine. When … its not.

Therefore.. the issues I’m experiencing are not just loss or longing  … for some reason its totally changed me?  you might read this and think “Well of COURSE its changed you!” …..
But I wasn’t prepared for it to change me in a way where a struggle to cope in day to day life. I thought if this horrible thing was ever to occur… I would build strength from it. It would change me… but not like this… not this bitter and angry person I don’t recognise.

I’m not who I was before…. And I don’t want to be this person I am now!
I wish I Could be the person I was.

PLEASE .. answers on a postcard! ….. But how could this have changed me from day to day life so much???

Why do I panic when people want to talk to me? Why do I want to smash peoples face in … call them out on bull shit.. why do I really not care about what anyone is saying? Its just polite to be nice… Its polite to chat small talk … so why do I constantly feel like … I switch off?

I feel like I lost my dad, and in turn I’m losing my mum because I don’t have a clue how to talk to her either now… I look at her coping so much better than me, and I know deep down, shes not.
Its easier to keep the head up and keep going though… than live a life of anger… sadness or fear.
I know what she is doing is to protect herself, and shes doing it much much better than me. And again…. I feel further and further away, because … I’m not coping.

I find myself even avoiding small talk of any with my mum. I find talking a really hard task without getting frustrated. When shes talks about random day to day things … I find it meaningless. (its not…. but that’s my feelings just now).
It feels easier to switch off than cope with talking.

… I guess all I hope is people know .. this .. this person isn’t me! …. That hopefully someday I will be me again!

Please don’t take offence to the way I am …
Please don’t get fed up if I mope…
Please don’t shout if I cant explain…
Please remember I’m trying really hard…
Please don’t tell me to open up if I genuinely cant……
Please forgive me If I snap at you…..
Please just remind me….
This isn’t me.

I promise to myself and anyone who knows me …. I will get past this.
Because the idea of living a life … being this person…. Is Dire.

I promise I will get better, I will work hard to make the most of the life Ive been blessed with …. It might just take me a wee pause and re group.

Im sorry to anyone Ive offended … Im sorry to anyone who felt awkward.

I know that the people closest to me… mean me nothing but love and worry for me.

I just don’t know how to show you just now. How to show my appreciation of that.
I really wish I did.

I would be truly lost without you.

I love you
Im so sorry.
I miss you
And
I miss me
X

Posted in Social Media, Uncategorized

Social Media Etiquette: Does the world need your opinions? Warnings? or Shares? Use your common sense and don’t be a Lemming!

Clickbait? … The Bandwagon?… . Sheep? …. Lemmings?? …. Maybe even Witchhunt?

My Dad Always told me to be different… because if you’re different no one will forget you! Good piece of advice I have always adhered to, but its taken with a pinch of salt. My Dad expressed this advice in such a way … He dressed different, he wore wacky clothes, he made his own clothes… he made some of mine too! He also always styled his homes different, he made his own curtains and upholstered furnishings. He was someone who could really turn his hand to just about anything, and he was blessed with creativity.

My Mum also learned a lot from him… they were married at 19 and 21, they grew up together. Therefore … her outfits were made by him… her make up was always out there different. Id say they were trend setters … Never followers! I guess back in the 60’s/70’s and 80s it was much easier to be that. Its something they instilled in me, but its easy to sit here and talk about fashion and trends. I by no means would call myself a fashion mogul or trend setter! I like to look at season trends and fads at times, but i still believe deep down … make it your own! Always be Different!

They didn’t just give me some fashion advice in my 30 years on this planet… but this sense of be YOU ran through everything they taught me. The important thing that they also included was respect… that is something I feel people are losing nowadays. Live and let live… have an opinion .. no need to shove it down the throats of others. Question Why you are doing something? Don’t follow the crowd, that old saying “If he jumped off a bridge would you do that too!?”

I’m just starting to wonder what this change is within social media … or the internet in general? I don’t remember even a decade ago there being this obnoxious attitude from EVERYONE … not just the youth. I am 30 and I feel this way… I dread to think how the generations before me feel about humans today..

I’m being sketchy here, but my question is…. When did it become ok to become a “point, click, like and share” society?

I used the term “Clickbait” earlier … essentially this is where someone puts a really Shocking or Interesting / Unbelievable title to their latest YouTube video, Blog post, Tweet link. If i’m honest this doesn’t Really bother me, TV ad industries and advertising , marketing giants have done this for years. The old white t shirt with Stains next to each other … generic washing brand and the “Brand name label” washing brand…. Boom obviously the brand name wins hands down.

Nowadays MANY YouTube “influencers” are the new marketing arms for many companies where its not quite so clear that they are “Advertising” ….. Again this is not overly offensive to me. Advertising is Advertising … Use your common sense and OWN mind to decide… Do I really require anymore material items? I really enjoy watching YouTube. Mainly for cosmetics, That doesn’t mean I’m struggling to pay my bills so I can buy every item the are slinging or get the same fake nails/ Hair or designer hand bangs as them.

Side note…. check out Kimberley Clark’s Anti Haul Videos … Marketing broken down in a “Lets not keep up with the jones'” kind of way.

Whats really getting my goat is the public? The lack of Teaching we are giving to people now about online …. hmm how do I say this? Etiquette?

I came away from Facebook in late January this year, partly because or personal issues and partly because it just frustrated me scrolling down my feed …. reading utter Nonsense that people Jump on the bandwagon about. They read it online… it must be true right? The targeting of people and companies… where it is easy for people to read a paragraph .. see and Clickbait photo (Shocking) and like and share…

Now … I’d like to be clear here… the way in which the internet has brought the world together, being able to communicate and understand other cultures from across the planet, other beliefs and societies … keep in contact with loved ones at the touch of a button. Its Wonderful.  I wouldn’t be sitting typing this up if I wasn’t hoping someone would read it!

My examples are …. Let me log on to my Facebook and scroll down my feed… Its 13:16 pm …..

Now 13:20 … I see a video of a 2 year old little girl giving chatty .. sassy chat back about having to sit next to an over chatty lady on an airoplane……. A 2 Year old? Is it just me? Or is that not disrespectful? and frankly if my daughter was to come away with that sort of adult opinion of a grown up and cheek…. Well id be telling her off…. Not filming her and sharing it? It was shared 21,000 times at this point.

I remember I seen a similar one to this some time ago of a little girl swearing … and there is was shared and shared again … liked and liked … “insert laughy emoji” …. Are we trying to say that its acceptable?

Now 13:26 ….. The Share for “WARNINGS” …. My child swallowed the moving part of a fidget spinner…. Do not put laundry fragrance pearls in your oil burners, THEY EXPLODE……. My 4 year old kid got talking to a peado through an app.

Here’s this thing … Firstly the ones I see about children more often than not…. I Do not have a child … I KNOW kids are much more clued up nowadays … I know they need to have technology in their life. I’m going to say something controversial here…. but DO not blame the Companies for these issues….. Its a two way relationship here, You put your kid on a table and give them access to an online environment …. where they can speak with others… YOU monitor how much they are doing it… Who they are speaking with and … well its common sense don’t be leaving them on one for hours on end playing games. Take them out …. play the game with them … Learn about What they are doing! Tablets or smartphones are not baby sitters! ….. I’m pretty sure plastic bags used to come with a warning about not putting them over babies heads… the same goes for children and small moving parts… Monitor their play… play with them. Don’t be shocked your child swallowed something! I swallowed a 5p when I was on a bus one day… my Mum was sitting next to me… (I wasn’t choking thankfully) when I told her she told me off. She also told me Id poop it out…  She NEVER Went to the papers … The MINT … the News to kick up a stink about her silly daughter with 5p in her mouth!
I also .. never done it again .. when she explained to me about how dirty money could be!

On another side note to this…. If your child is pre teen … moody … we’ve all been there… teenagers have been around longer than the internet… If this Cyber bullying thing continues to make headlines and cause children to feel like they need to go to extremes ….. Turn the computer OFF …. Again … take them outside … Teach them their life does Not exist online! … Talk to REAL people. It will soon become apparent .. that if someone it trolling them online … its quite easy to walk away and find new people who appreciate them as a person, people who support them and encourage them.

The Internet is NOT your Life!

As for the gunning for the “Big brands” ….. A few years ago I saw the Lenor Unstoppable Scent boosters “EXPLODING” ……. Clickbait….. On further reading … some thrifty housewife thought… ohhh these will burn well in the oil burners. If I’m honest .. not a ridiculous thought! BUT they were NOT marketed as this… Lenor didn’t say to use them this way …. SO …. what do we not do? …. Go online and blast Lenor and WARN everyone about these DANGERS…… This isn’t Lenors fault…. You tried something it didn’t work… if anything … id be a little embarrassed and keep that to myself.

One that Really got to me a few months back …. Lucozade… They got Absolutely GUNNED for by ignorant people who THINK they knew about diabetes. Long story short … Lucozade reduced the sugar in its energy drink … for the greater national good and obesity … not to mention they were avoiding some sugar tax…. The Diabetics went CRAZY that there had been no marketing to show this… on the surface … you can understand their concerns. Heres the thing though…. They reduced the sugar… but a standard bottle of lucozade still contains approximately the same amount or carbohydrates … of which of sugars as a 330ml can of coke a cola. Someone actually posted along the lines of “Attention Diabetics Lucozade sugar changes could be LIFE or DEATH”. Now if a Can of coke doesn’t have an effect on hypoglycemia … Well I’ve been doing something wrong for 18 years.
I am diabetic myself…. LEARN TO CARB COUNT PEOPLE! Do not witch hunt lucozade…. They didn’t do anything wrong! They are actually trying to stop the rise of type 2 diabetes and obesity… even though… they still make millions from super energy sugar drinks. They never marketed them for diabetics… they never stated they helped a hypoglycemic attack.

I saw one today warning about Omeprazole … “The Gastric Protector that Ends your health!”… Stating it caused Anemia , Calcium uptake difficulties… leading to osteoporosis, Neurological damage leading to dementia. …… It states these things in the leaflet that comes with the medications … in the box. This is NOT news, What it is …. Ignorance. I dont think Anyone should be on lifelong anything .. without regular check up and advice from your doctor or specialist. These things have to be monitored, Use your common sense! All medications have side effects and contraindications…
Take some responsibility for your own health people!?

Now my last “example” … is the charity lemmings and Health scaremongers. When I was younger people would do sponsored silences, walks, marathons … cake sales .. parachute jumps etc etc…. Usually for a charity they believed in .. had reason to get behind and felt strongly about. Round of applause for all of these wonderful people! … And nowadays .. Hooray for the internet sharing the stories or these wonderful people who continue to do these amazing tasks.

The thing that gets me …. again the Point click share awareness of charity nowadays. Ill use the cancer awareness superheros or Heart foundation firefighters as an example…. There are many theories and skepticism on a Cancer cure and IF Cancer research is a multi million pound money generating scheme. I myself don’t care to believe that, for the sheer decency of the human race… I would hope that if there was some Overall CURE humanity would prevail and they would share it… instead of make money. What I do feel I experience and see a lot is these are certainly the most glamourised charities… I know with good cause. But as a nurse I see lots of other ailments and illnesses go un noticed .. under the radar and suffer without the latest treatments, facilities .. basic needs to support them. While our oncology and cardiac researches go 3 fold and have TV adverts … awareness and anyone on Facebook “Sharing” Cancer awareness.

What happens to our Liver patients? They don’t deserve a hospice bed .. why? because they maybe don’t have the same pain as cancer? … What because they are seen as alcoholics? A lot of people dying with Liver disease stopped drinking 5+ years before their liver disease became end stage. They come in every 4 to 6 weeks for treatment and drainage… just as a chemo patient goes for treatment. Ultimately they may still be dying and their family deserve the same respect and support do they not?

Our COPD and Respiratory patients… with home oxygen… who struggle to walk the length of them self. Again… “Because they chose to smoke? They brought it on themselves?” No.
Type 1 And 2 diabetics not being educated properly about their diseases .. because there simply aren’t the staff to provide support… and in turn their health gets worse and causes further more complications with leg ulcers and sight loss…. They are looked at as … “Well they didn’t look after themselves”. No … They weren’t educated properly or supported.

I’m no fool, Lots of people are given the tools and knowledge and Still choose not to take health advice, I’m aware of that. I guess just have a little thought about sharing the “popular” charities … because its what everyone is doing at the moment. Read about things and educate yourself. Make Informed decisions before you just point click and share.

A great Example … The ICE Bucket Challenge. I Great viral spread of an important awareness about ALS / Motor neuron disease. Ask yourself Honestly… How many people did you know 3 years ago who done the Ice bucket challenge and didn’t really know why they were doing it? …. Doesn’t that miss the whole point of why we want the viral spread and share?

Now I could go on and on to the political band waggon jumpers… the racists … the immigrant hunters… even the pride marchers, the gay bashers and the OTT over politically correct feminists there are So SO many examples of how people nowadays, just Share Share Share.

For the most part things are good, knowledge is power… knowing more only helps us, but … Make sure you DO know Before you share something because Everyone shock shares.

Dont be a sheep… a Lemming … a Follower… Be YOU and if you have something to say and want to stand up for it… Be well informed… do your research. If you do want to Inform people of something ask yourself this…. Is this going to help someone? Am I Offending anyone? Does the world need my opinion on this? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Since when did I need EVERYONE’S opinions thrown in my face though?

Years ago … and even now… if you met someone and didn’t agree with them .. had a difference of opinion with them… You would start an on street .. in pub slagging match. (Some might)
But generally … you were civil. Just because you are sitting there behind a keyboard and computer screen …. doesn’t give “freedom of speech” the new term of “down right rude and Its MY opinion so ill say whatever I want!”

Sometimes Silence Speaks so much louder than words.

And sometimes…. Frustration builds up over years … and you patch Facebook and think… I’m going outside in the real world for a bit. Smile at people… Wave at them… You might just make their Day!

Alanna
X

Posted in Bullet Journal, Crafty, Uncategorized

Bullet Journal: Plans of a Control Freak!

Bullet journal…. So what exactly is it? How do you get one? Why do you need one?

Well the long and short of that last question is … you dont NEED one. I can explain why I keep mine .. what I use mine for and why it benefits me! From there… You can decide if you fancy it of not!

Let get this clear, I have not started something ground breaking here, its a well known community, following … society that is followed online now days. The Original “Bullet Journal” was coined / commenced by Ryder Carroll by visiting the Bullet Journal website you will find a very easy to understand style to which he started. Since these basic “rules” “guidelines”, many people have greatly elaborated their bullet journals, some people have several different journals at one time to track different aspects of their lifes. Such as .. work, etsy shops, you tube, health, travel etc…

On Instagram there are many fascinating and wonderful inspirational “BuJo” personalities and communities. Here are just a few which I follow :

To name but a few fantastic insta hubs!

What do you need… Quite simply .. A notebook… A pen and some imagination.

When I began my first attempt at a Bullet journal it took me a good few variations before I found my “flow” My first notebook was an Agenzio Multicoloured Square grid hardback notepad from Paperchase.

This was in between A4 and A5, it also came with an elastic strap to close and x1 lace page marker. I removed the Elastic as I purchased a coloured strap with pen holder to wrap around horizontally.  The Grid layout worked well for me for planning out my layouts and ideas.

Eventually though I gave in and stumped up for the “Real” Bullet journal. If I’m honest … this purchase was propaganda and longing. I Did NOT need a new notebook but I promised myself that if I used the Agenzio effectively for 6 months I would treat myself to the Leuchtturm 1917. Unfortunately now… I probably wont go back, because I Love it, I love the dot compared to the grid.. I love the double page marker, I love the Index pages and the numbered page layout.

Throughout this Post all of the pictures on the left are my original attempt at bullet journal, the agenzio and the right is the Leuchtturm1917.  Above you can see the layout I made for and Index and key and then the ready made Index. Leuchtturm1917 also sell a journal which includes a “Key” page, I do not have this version.

Future Planning!
So one of the first steps following your Key and Index Is your future planner. You can see above I started out very very simply, usually writing out 6 months at a time. Under these months I mark out important dates, birthdays, appointments, events or trips. I also use this area to remind myself of any tasks I need to complete such as .. Car insurance, MOT, studying or seed planting times.

You will see once I began to experiment more I made my second attempt a little more interesting to look at, I also inserted a calender page for each month. This allowed me to track when i worked dayshifts / nightshifts and when I had annual leave. I found this much easier than having to write in every monthly spread having it all at a glance, it also corresponds well with my kitchen wall calendar.
From this you will go on to mark out your monthly plans.

Agenzio October monthly spread bullet journal
Original Monthly spread

Monthly Spreads
My original layout was divided in to 4 sections:

  1. Work and appointments
  2. Personal and events
  3. Finance and bills
  4. Goals

I also tried to document what my partners plans were so I had an idea of our household finance but also our work schedules.

Needless to say this just did not work for me, I imagine If you have a very busy big family life where you’re having to track kids hobbies and appointments,  plus your work and own hobbies .. family events.. school events etc etc … This layout could work very well.

Personally it became obvious to me.. I did not have appointments every month… my partners work pattern rarely changes… my work pattern changes week to week. I discovered I was more likely to insert my chores or gym visits/ classes into my weekly layout dependent on my work schedule that week. As for finances and bills… They are all set up on my account and our shared account to come out on the same dates each month.

My goals worked quite well at the side of the month, I meant I could look back and see what Id started to achieve and able to monitor weekly if I was achieving them.

In short … I had used a lot of space but had quite a lot of blank areas that I rarely looked at this page for. Hence I changed my layout in my new journal to work for me, not only to use the area better, but also visually it helps me to see the month laid out in calendar spread.

You will notice above I have kept the overall theme and layout the same, but slightly adjusted things each to my needs each month.

I’d Like to just add a side note here…. You will notice that February is not included here. Unfortunately my father passed away that month this year. I do not feel I need to explain myself as to why i did not do February, but I would like to make a point of saying the repetitive task of doing my bullet journal monthly, weekly, daily….. Having something to focus on really helped me.

I had days and sometimes weeks where I didn’t see the point in dressing… I felt that even having to think about picking out something to wear… washing my hair , blow drying .. eating or making fresh meals… It took so much effort. My days felt tiring to even carry out simple things let alone try to think about hobbies and fitness. 

The funny this is, once I started to plan out my days.. my meals.. I felt it helped me to focus and have meaning again. I gave myself daily tasks to get through the days but I also felt I’d achieved things.

Agenzio Weekly spread bullet journal
Original Weekly spread

Weekly Spreads.

This was my original weekly layout. Its funny because there was absolutely nothing wrong with this layout functionally, but as you start to bullet journal and stumble across so many inspirational designs and ideas…. you get itchy to try lots of other variations. The above layout done everything I required it to do…. But it just simply wasn’t interesting and pretty enough.

What do I like my weekly spread to do? …

  • Plan Daily tasks/ events / appointments.
  • Monitor Exercise and Activity.
  • Make sure to shop mindfully and not waste food I’m Buying.
  • Plan meals… So to eat better but also … Not to waste food!
  • Monitor Patterns in Blood Sugar.
  • Make the most of the time I have.
Agenzio Daily spread bullet journal
Daily Spreads

Initially I then would mark out the tasks I had that day and sometimes have a little journal log underneath it. In short … for me… This just didn’t feel necessary. I felt I was duplicating  writing out the tasks and marking them off… and on days where I work (13hour shifts) … I generally will not have time to carry out other tasks, let alone write anything about the day I’ve had.

From both these layouts I learned I needed I bigger weekly spread… but no requirement for daily ones. The only exception to this is when we go away on a trip … I find then I will write Daily instead of a weekly spread because I don’t not have “Plans” when on my holidays. We don’t know what each day will bring!

Leuchtturm1917 Weekly spread 2 Bullet journal
New Weekly Spread 0.1

Here was my first go at weekly spreading in the Bullet journal, the layout of this hasn’t really changed despite slight tweeks I made here and there for different reasons. Usually I have the days of the week, meals, exercise/activity and steps, a shopping list and I monitor my blood glucose readings.

These photos should let you see the different styles, plans .. ideas I tried until I felt comfortable with what worked for me. I tried to track activity daily… I tried to put daily thoughts in.. Meals etc… But as you might notice I never logged my Sugars. I’m a visual person and I benefited from having a line graph seeing what my sugars were doing.

Currently I am using the 8th version of my weekly spread. This really works for me, as you see I no longer Log meals because I now keep a weekly meal spread on my fridge, this helps me remember what we are having as I make it and what I need to prep for work days. What food needs used up and what I need to buy if we don’t have it for a recipe.

Paperchase weekly meal planner
Weekly Fridge Spread

I got my Meal planner from Paperchase they have many many lovely magnetic planners like this that Link in well with the idea of bullet journalling.

Collections!
Probably one of the most addictive and hook lining things about a Bullet Journal. Its probably the one thing that really made me switch over from a normal weekly diary that most folk have to keep a track on things. The idea of tracking individual habits, plans, logging books you’ve read, weight loss or measurements, health activities, planning decor and mind mapping ideas.

I LOVE IT !

I hope this give you a good idea of what people use a bullet journal for, but also some inspiration and ideas if you do feel this is something you were considering but weren’t sure where to start!

Also … Here are a few happy holiday / trip spreads that I slot in between when I’m not planning a weekly spread 😀 Leuchtturm1917 making memories

Alanna

X

Posted in Skincare, Uncategorized

Deciem Delivery!

Disclaimer… This is Not a Review! I have yet to open these and test them out! My plan is to trial them throughout the month of April. That being said you will find prices and links!

Lately there has been quite a bit of Hype around “The Abnormal Beauty Company” – Deciem. I am a self confessed Beauty addict and as I get to the ripe old age of 30… I find my interests lay much more in Skincare than the make up itself. I am a long time fan of brands such as Kiehl’s, Avenue and La Roche Posay, but lets face it … They are Pricey!

I Originally seen a YouTube Video in December by Cora Alvillar Vintage Or Tacky , speaking about a brand “The Ordinary”. I adore watching this girl, I always find her sincere and not just “hyping” the latest Shit that the Beauty industry are Pushing at us… Making us think we NEED. Cora posted videos called “Skincare Sundays” previously, therefore when I seen the video regarding Cult brand “The Ordinary” I was very intrigued. I began to research the site, I was prepared for it to be a US company I’d need to pay shipping for… which ALWAYS puts me off. Sephora should sort that out right?

Deciem is the Main Umbrella Company which has many different Brands within it. The Ordinary being one of them.

ANYWAY… I found a few things I enjoyed the look of, similar to products I was using by the previously mentioned pricey brands! I began following them on Instagram, shortly after I seen they were opening their first UK store in the Home of the hipster… Spitalfields London. On hearing of the accessibility in the UK I went back on and picked up these treats!

What Did I buy… ?!

  • “Buffet” – £12.70
  • High Spreadability Fluid Primer – £5.50
  • Natural Moisturising factors – £4.90
  • 100% Organic cold-pressed Rosehip Seed Oil – £9.00
  • Hyaluronic Acid 2% +B5 – £5.90
  • Advanced Retinoid 2% – £8.00

I think the first thing to note is the price… I’m not saying they are £2 each… BUT even brands such as Loreal, Olay and Garnier you find at Asda have items that can have a higher price tag than these.

As far as I am aware, The Ordinary are called that because they do not use a lot of the fancier ingredients these popular brands use to “bulk out” their product, these ingredient s are usually what makes other brands more expensive. It is known to many that Skin lotions and potions are NEVER going to make you look 16 again, a lot of the bigger marketing brands make exaggerated claims and add in “magic” ingredients that sound really scientific but have very little proof of effectiveness. The Ordinary only use the active ingredients.The Ordinary have stripped it back to the bare basics. Hence the name!

I would also like to address the packaging, because … I think its lovely. Simple but sleek… Clean and crisp. Many of the products come in glass pipette droppers, some in sunlight resistant glass (Brown bottles). I really love this old school apothecary / medicinal / pharmaceutical branding. Again… For the Price… So far I’d say worth it.

The proof is in the pudding though isn’t it? So I will Update in early May with a full review and comment on whether these products will help my skin and put pennies back in my pocket.

Alanna
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Posted in Uncategorized

Compassion.

Never under estimate the kindness of people. Right now, at a time where I feel like there is no light at the end of this hole I’m in I received a parcel from someone who doesn’t really know me that well. Someone who didn’t need to send me anything or even think about me. In that moment I was so touched by the persons kindness, it made me remember just why I’m here.

I’m welling up with tears even as I write that, I’m not sure why… Truth is a lot of the time I don’t know how I am supposed to feel.

To make things clearer, My Dad passed away at the beginning of February. I’m not going to get in to the ins and outs of … “He was a great man” or “We had a special relationship” because at the end of the day, everyone feels like that about their Dad… or their mum .. or that special someone in their life that one day we lose. Lets just say this…there was only Me, my mum and dad. We are a close close family and I honestly didn’t know what true heartbreak was until this year happened.

So … Why am I writing this? Well I’m not too sure myself yet, maybe it helps to put it out in words…. It doesn’t take the pain away. Maybe people look at it as “therapy” … Well I still feel the same and my dad still isn’t here. Maybe I just want to know that other people feel the same? Hopefully one day this feeling out of control will get better?

Truth is I don’t know why I’m writing this, but when I received the parcel yesterday I was so blown away by the thought and care put in to it. It made me think “wow” maybe people do get it… They know this isn’t going anywhere, they know they cant fix it but they are letting me know they are there. Even just for a moment.

Again… I’ve welled up… excuse me while I find a tissue… nope my sleeve will do.

It feels like life is going on…. like normal and as it should. I don’t want everyone to wallow or tiptoe around me, but weirdly I struggle with the thought that everyone has moved on and maybe I should be too!?? Like .. it was just some thing that happened.

For someone to take time out of their life, that had nothing to do with my dad… to let me know. It really helped, because they weren’t wallowing .. they weren’t sending me a sympathy card…. it just felt like they were letting me know “Its ok.. Take what you need. And then come back to us.”

I haven’t even contacted this person yet. How bad is that? Partly because I didn’t want to send a message saying “thanks that was so nice of you! * insert smiley face * xxx”
That’s not how I felt at the time, It was much more than that. I didn’t want to play that down or undermine it, I guess that’s why I thought I needed to put it out here.

Its something that comes second nature to me to offer kind words or advice. Lots of people expect a nurse to offer kindness and condolences .. sympathy… empathy.
Its good to know how to do this in my job and do it meaningfully. I’m not saying it is wrong to do, it is comforting for many people.

Funny thing is… I’m much like my dad, and at the time of his death the last thing I wanted was people giving me condolences .. trying to hug me .. shake my hand… tell me how sorry they were. Now I KNOW people do this because they don’t know what to say… they truly feel awful for you and wish they could help. Me being me… It was something I could’ve just done without. I knew that nothing they said would help and I knew the minute anyone hugged me I’d either crumble into tears… OR freeze because … Hold on…. “This person doesn’t know me .. why are they hugging me!?”

Being caring and Kind to people is part of my life… my job .. my career. I think it is something we all take for granted.
True compassion.
Not automatic response of “I’m sorry to hear that”, “are you ok?” … Its funny how people always ask that isn’t it? Of course I’m not ok!! Or they offer to help you with anything. I get it… I really do.. I’ve done it myself a million times. Its the right thing to say or offer isn’t it?

True compassion… Where there’s no weird hugging or open offers of help. Just someone letting you know

“I cant help and I’m so sorry I cant take this away. I have no words to say that will make this better, but in the mean time…. Here are a few things to “take the sting” out of some Really Really shitty days.”

I feel like yesterday, I experienced true compassion from someone.
Even though we haven’t known each other too long Or we aren’t people who talk everyday, or know each other that well. The magnitude of a simple letter… parcel… hand written note as apposed to a Facebook message, Whatsapp or a text…. Simple things that remind me how much more important basic human contact is.
I just want to thank her. You truly don’t know just how much that meant to me. It actually made me laugh among the snotters and tears…

And … I’m off again… blubbering.

Be nice to each other… Its an old thing to say… but smile at people.. say morning… say hello… Send an actual Letter… You never know What will make a persons day. You don’t know just how you can effect someone without even knowing it.

Alanna
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