Heartbreak and violation… But not as you know it.

Its been quite some time since I wrote anything on here, but also quite sometime since I’ve been active at all. The long and short of it is… someone .. some people .. broke in to my home , ransacked my flat and stole many things. This included tech items like laptops.. tablets.. phones etc, which has been inconvenient but not the end of the world. The part I’ve been struggling with is the small and absolutely useless things… that no doubt once they have stopped and looked and their loot thought… this is crap bin it.

They took a ring that was bought for my 21st birthday, a ring that when everyone met me they commented on it.. it wasn’t expensive it wasn’t worth thousands but it was mine .. like my signature. What they didn’t know is when I was 19 my mum had suffered a very serious car crash. She physically struggled and it took at least 5 years to feel “normal”, but mentally she was struggling even more with anxiety and panic attacks. During that time she wasn’t really my mum, she spoke but she wasn’t really there…  Now this isn’t a dig at my mum, but I remember wondering if I would get the mum I knew back.  Come my 22nd birthday it was one of the first times I remember being out and about with my mum again…. she apologised for missing my 21st birthday.. even though she was there in person. This was how that ring came in to my possession, it reminds me of that time in my life.

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The other item they have taken is a lapel pin of bugs bunny. My dad was known for bright clothes (especially shoes and hats) but also for “pin” badges. I remember being a little girl going through his jackets, suits, coats and looking at all the pins he had. A few firm favourites were Betty Boop, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, Pebbles and of course Bugs Bunny.
When he died last year, me and my boyfriend wore one to the funeral I wore pebbles and Alan wore bugs. Following this I gave Bugs to Alan to keep, because there is no one I felt more worthy of wearing the pin I grew up seeing on my dad, that I associated with this man growing up.
Bugs Bunny is priceless to me, but could be something you’d find in a charity shop or car booty for 50p/£1.

I know its a cliche but its true, its the items you know you will never replace that are breaking my heart. These will be threw aside as tat by the thieves, and they didn’t realise is just how important to me that pin is. They have taken from me a memory of my dad, and although in my mind I can still remember, they have also taken the act of me passing it on to the most important man in my life now, and they have taken any chance of us passing it on to another generation.

I also felt like they took my faith in humanity, I really struggled for a few weeks to not be angry, I was so angry with the world. I was also terrified of the “what if’s” … I could’ve been home… we could have walked in on them… they could have really caused much more damage. Its easy to say to someone, you cant live thinking like that, but the truth is its very very difficult not to think that way once it’s happened to you.

I spent hours washing all my clothes, because they went through Everything… Other items I just binned straight away because it just unnerved me that someone felt the need to paw through it. They even took perfumes… make up.. stationary…. And had the cheek to take our own bags to put it all in. They even stole my blood glucose monitors and Insulin pump (I had a spare without warranty) ….probably thinking it was a pager!
Silly things like old birthday cards and even love letters …. they tore open (Maybe in the hope they had money in them??) … These are my life.. my memories… and they have destroyed them… for what?

The funny thing is.. the tech items we do own are not fancy .. they are a few years old … wee don’t own ipads… mac books… smart tv’s etc etc…
So actually what they got away with … they will make very little on.

I am getting there, and I know that I cant let these people chase me out my own home. I love my home, but now its hard to fall asleep after night shift without worrying. I have to just take solace in the fact that no one was hurt, and my true important items (Alan and daisycat) were not harmed.

I am trying to get back to what I see as normal. I know its a long shot but if you recognise my ring.. (not the cat ears although they took that too!) if you see anyone wearing something similar… and especially if you live in the south side of Glasgow, please ask them where or how they got it. Its not expensive but its very distinctive. Head over to YouTube to watch me talk about this!

Thanks
Alanna
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