Compassion.

Never under estimate the kindness of people. Right now, at a time where I feel like there is no light at the end of this hole I’m in I received a parcel from someone who doesn’t really know me that well. Someone who didn’t need to send me anything or even think about me. In that moment I was so touched by the persons kindness, it made me remember just why I’m here.

I’m welling up with tears even as I write that, I’m not sure why… Truth is a lot of the time I don’t know how I am supposed to feel.

To make things clearer, My Dad passed away at the beginning of February. I’m not going to get in to the ins and outs of … “He was a great man” or “We had a special relationship” because at the end of the day, everyone feels like that about their Dad… or their mum .. or that special someone in their life that one day we lose. Lets just say this…there was only Me, my mum and dad. We are a close close family and I honestly didn’t know what true heartbreak was until this year happened.

So … Why am I writing this? Well I’m not too sure myself yet, maybe it helps to put it out in words…. It doesn’t take the pain away. Maybe people look at it as “therapy” … Well I still feel the same and my dad still isn’t here. Maybe I just want to know that other people feel the same? Hopefully one day this feeling out of control will get better?

Truth is I don’t know why I’m writing this, but when I received the parcel yesterday I was so blown away by the thought and care put in to it. It made me think “wow” maybe people do get it… They know this isn’t going anywhere, they know they cant fix it but they are letting me know they are there. Even just for a moment.

Again… I’ve welled up… excuse me while I find a tissue… nope my sleeve will do.

It feels like life is going on…. like normal and as it should. I don’t want everyone to wallow or tiptoe around me, but weirdly I struggle with the thought that everyone has moved on and maybe I should be too!?? Like .. it was just some thing that happened.

For someone to take time out of their life, that had nothing to do with my dad… to let me know. It really helped, because they weren’t wallowing .. they weren’t sending me a sympathy card…. it just felt like they were letting me know “Its ok.. Take what you need. And then come back to us.”

I haven’t even contacted this person yet. How bad is that? Partly because I didn’t want to send a message saying “thanks that was so nice of you! * insert smiley face * xxx”
That’s not how I felt at the time, It was much more than that. I didn’t want to play that down or undermine it, I guess that’s why I thought I needed to put it out here.

Its something that comes second nature to me to offer kind words or advice. Lots of people expect a nurse to offer kindness and condolences .. sympathy… empathy.
Its good to know how to do this in my job and do it meaningfully. I’m not saying it is wrong to do, it is comforting for many people.

Funny thing is… I’m much like my dad, and at the time of his death the last thing I wanted was people giving me condolences .. trying to hug me .. shake my hand… tell me how sorry they were. Now I KNOW people do this because they don’t know what to say… they truly feel awful for you and wish they could help. Me being me… It was something I could’ve just done without. I knew that nothing they said would help and I knew the minute anyone hugged me I’d either crumble into tears… OR freeze because … Hold on…. “This person doesn’t know me .. why are they hugging me!?”

Being caring and Kind to people is part of my life… my job .. my career. I think it is something we all take for granted.
True compassion.
Not automatic response of “I’m sorry to hear that”, “are you ok?” … Its funny how people always ask that isn’t it? Of course I’m not ok!! Or they offer to help you with anything. I get it… I really do.. I’ve done it myself a million times. Its the right thing to say or offer isn’t it?

True compassion… Where there’s no weird hugging or open offers of help. Just someone letting you know

“I cant help and I’m so sorry I cant take this away. I have no words to say that will make this better, but in the mean time…. Here are a few things to “take the sting” out of some Really Really shitty days.”

I feel like yesterday, I experienced true compassion from someone.
Even though we haven’t known each other too long Or we aren’t people who talk everyday, or know each other that well. The magnitude of a simple letter… parcel… hand written note as apposed to a Facebook message, Whatsapp or a text…. Simple things that remind me how much more important basic human contact is.
I just want to thank her. You truly don’t know just how much that meant to me. It actually made me laugh among the snotters and tears…

And … I’m off again… blubbering.

Be nice to each other… Its an old thing to say… but smile at people.. say morning… say hello… Send an actual Letter… You never know What will make a persons day. You don’t know just how you can effect someone without even knowing it.

Alanna
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